I have never, ever, had an airline upgrade.

My wife has, my son has, my researcher has, and it seems everyone I know has – even my suitcase has.

I have even been downgraded – yes, that’s right, they have a form which says “Involuntary Downgrade” – bet not many people have seen that.

And all the stories about how to get one just don’t work for me.

I have turned up early, with a Gold Card holder, who was going business. And I was Premium Economy. I asked, but still no dice, and that was the time they upgraded my suitcase and left me where I was.

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